A Little Bit Funny, a Little Bit Weird

K- has a favorite rant as of late. It all revolves around a small, yet significant phrase adamantly and repeatedly uttered by his apparently shell shocked acquaintances.

"Everything is going to change.....".

They tell him this with forbearance and a touch of fear in their voices.

These are the poor, ignorant fools who stepped into fatherhood with their heads up their proverbial asses. They assumed when the baby came, they would continue drinking and carousing whenever they wanted. They assumed babysitters were easy to come by and that you would actually leave a two week old newborn with them. They assumed newborns slept through the night. They assumed a piercing wail was easily soothed. They assumed their wives would need no "help". They assumed vomit stains washed out of white fabric. They assumed their hours of PlayStation time would not be compromised. They assumed everything would be 10 times easier once the kid could walk, talk, reason, etc. They assumed there would be no change in the dynamic of their marriages. They assumed their household would be the same. They assumed they would know all the answers.

It seems, they had too many assumptions.

They also seem to forget that K- and I were married long before they even met their respective wives, got married, bought homes and fathered three children. They forget our age. They forget our infertility.

"Everything is going to change....".

Every other week or so, K- comes through the front door and mutters those words with a gleam in his eye. And then follows with a bellowed "Duh!". Or the more favored "No SHIT!!".

And then begins his tirade:

"Of course it is going to change! It's a baby! We are adding a whole additional person to our marriage and our household! Someone who is needy and completely dependent on us for EVERYTHING. Someone we are solely responsible for!
Did these dumb asses actually think their lives wouldn't change? Do they think I am an idiot? Are they freaking serious?".

To which I will calmly reply, that from what I know of these men, no they did not realize how it would impact their lives. And they see this repeated statement as a heads up to their brethren. A heads up they see as necessary because they were so flabbergasted at their own inaccuracy when deciphering the reality of parenthood. The same way they were shocked by the reality of marriage. And the reality of life in general.

K- tends to hang out with guys from a very different background than his own. Or mine. I think our detachment from these people is a common theme for people who jump "classes" like we did. Aside from the socioeconomic background, there is also a culture gap that he easily forgets. Either way, his incredulousness over the comments made by his friends and colleagues is very amusing.

***
In the same category, though less amusing, are the similar comments made by my mother. Except when she blathers on about things I may or may not have to give up, she cackles with glee. I can mentally see her rubbing her hands together in vindication, a la the evil villain.
The funny/annoying thing about my mother lecturing me on going from the non-parent life to the parent life, is she has no experience with this transition. She gave birth to me while still in High school. She has never experienced adult life without kids. She had two children and was divorced from my drug addict biological father by the age of 21. She then married another idiot and decided to have two more kids 20 years after the first round. She has no idea what it is like to have a "carefree" existence and has not done a great job of hiding her envy over my life. Knowing your own mother is jealous and resents you a tiny bit, is an uneasy feeling.
And it bothers me that my ability to make good choices and decisions, and therefore live in the positive aftermath of those choices, bugs her so much.

Despite being infertile and dealing with that separate pain, K- and I have had a very good life. We made smart decisions and get to reap the rewards. Any good luck that came our way, was after a lot of planning, and doing what we could to influence our path in the right direction.
So in the eyes of parents and people more strapped down, we likely come off looking like spoiled party animals.

And so, with accusatory gaze, my mother subtly punishes me for the life she never had. Even for my personal miseries she never had.
This is all very under the surface and I don't think most people would even notice all this going on unless they knew us very, very well.
It feels bizarre because up until the last couple years, my mom pretty much had nothing to do with me. She was the opposite of a helicopter parent I guess. Now, however, we see each other quite a bit and there is an odd vibe between us.

**************

On a different note, I had my one hour glucose tolerance test yesterday.
They wanted to see my level under 140 and mine was 80, so I passed with flying colors.
I am still on Metformin and I try to do the proper food combining so I am not too surprised.
My regular doctor appointment was canceled because yet again, someone needed to give birth during my scheduled time. It has become a running joke at the clinic now because this is the fourth time this has happened to me.
K- and I are less amused since we share one car and he basically has to take a half day for each appointment since he works in the opposite direction and it would not work out for me to drop him off and pick him up so I could use the car.
He doesn't get worked up about it though. K- has not only gotten better at going with the flow, he has also become nicer overall lately. Perhaps he hopes if he acts nice, it will rub off on me, since I am usually just a grump.